“I’m going to make him eat the impossible.” “I’m going to bring him an empty plate.” Already? Two short weeks pause and here we are already on the path to the absurd? The dictatorship of concept dishes must end. We were so good with ravioli†
Yes, Stéphane announces it, this week will be “placed under the sign of high culinary aerobatics”† What exactly does it consist of? Juggling gourds? Trapeze while eating spring rolls? We don’t really know, but the first round guest is Mike Bagale, a man who… “developed what had never been done before: flying food”† How tired. Especially because there is already flying food, it is called pheasant and it is delicious.
Before the event starts, we get tables with points and teams to explain the rules to us. It all sounds very complicated, but the only thing to remember is that Louise, the only red and the only woman left, will participate in both events. And that, ladies and gentlemen, is called the mental load.
Ruth Bader Ginsburg in heaven when she read The news†
Mike Bagale arrives to demonstrate his revolutionary dish. It looks like he’s making aligot, but he’s actually not, he’s making edible balloons. “It’s called floating food”, says Stephane. At the risk of sounding like a right-wing columnist, should we really label EVERYTHING?
“I called this dish Nostalgia”, explains the cook. So personally, as a kid, I didn’t eat my balloons. Pascal: “Eating a balloon would never have crossed my mind.” Well, we agree, man.
My psychiatrist when I tell her my dreams.
The challenge for candidates will therefore be to: “find a new idea or concept”† You know we don’t have those ALWAYS have to invent new things. The atomic bomb and the deepfakes from Dalidawe didn’t have to, for example.
Pascal therefore decides to “eating the impossible” to Chef Bagale, the impossible is a habanero pepper, one of the hottest peppers in the world. I know because in Texas they did it in jam. His idea is to make a flavored snowball in which he will put a chili paste. I didn’t quite understand the concept, but Pascal seems sure of himself: he will do anything “so that this experience of eating the impossible becomes possible”† Sounds like a speech from Macron.
While the contestant tastes his recipe, he misses kaner because of the power of the chili. He already tends to blush easily from the ground up, if he continues it will be like the Covid card of France in 2021, soon there will be not enough colors or synonyms for “scarlet”. “I understood that you really shouldn’t hold back in life”, the young chef tells us. We’ll put this on his grave.
The machine every time I pay contactless.
On Wilfried’s side, unbelievable but true: the candidate will make us “traveler” of “a culinary world trip”† He really is this season’s David Gallienne, the FRAM food guide. “Travel has a big place in my life as a cook and my life as a man, I want to say.” It’s like the guys on Tinder posting a flag emoji of every country they’ve been to.
Afterwards, it is certainly a big challenge to make five dishes in one event. Even if I do one in a night, I’m proud of myself, so good. To destabilize the customer even more, each of his recipes is hidden in small balls of black pizza dough. After an attempt Wilfried is delighted: “That’s Exactly What I Wanted”and apparently what he wanted was to give us a mouse-poo trick.
While Wilfried cooks 48,000 dishes per second and Pascal sears his glottis with his pepper, Arnaud has decided to make a tequila bam, but with mussels. Good bah Arnaud, we are in the last chance huh.
But the most fart of the evening is indeed that of Louise, who proudly declares: “I’m going to let him fluff the tablecloth.” I want to file a complaint against this program for moral harassment. Inspired by Charlie and the Chocolate Factorythe young woman actually decided to “to eat the decor” to the chief. “I bring an empty plate and voila, dinner is served.” In meditation apps, under the “stress” and “sleep” categories, we will soon have to add a “Top Chef” tests section.
The contestant originally planned to make a squid tablecloth, but it didn’t work out, so she ended up making a chicken flower tablecloth. It’s totally crazy, but we have to admit, the end result is quite stunning. Then again, that’s a lot of Fleury Michon-style chicken breast to swallow anyway.
No, because there’s enough turkey breast to wrap Tutankhamun.
The tasting begins, and all you have to remember is that Pascal mentioned his dish “The Ball of the Extreme”…….. I’ll let you insert your own joke.
As for the results, Pascal comes in first, Louise second, Wilfried third and poor Arnaud, unsurprisingly, last.
After this first event sponsored by Pennywise, the show welcomes the best of the best: Anne-Sophie Pic. Anne-Sophie Pic, a chef who is as brilliant as he is kind, comes to do tastings with her notebook to take notes. Which woman. Everyone should be as humble, studious, and conscientious as they are. Send it to Matignon.
The flu that is making a comeback after two years of RTT.
The challenge is to create a dish around one vegetable, but with all its varieties. “On the other hand, I wish there were no animal proteins”, asks the chef. An ambulance is waiting in front of the studio doors to help Mickaël in the event of illness. On the other hand, sorry Anne-Sophie, usually the small montages on the recipes of the guests make me drool, but nothing sells me less of the dream than a dish that sublimates… beetroot.
Candidates have to sign their vegetable. Mickaël falls on the carrot, Lilian inherits the beetroot. “The beetroot is great, I’m super happy”: example of a sentence that has never been said before.
Sébastien got the green bean, and guess what, he got the peach. The candidate decides to make a salad with green beans, but also with other varieties such as black and white beans. But suddenly flageolets are vegetables?? Ah, but I had to say, that changes everything in my life. And if not, Sébastien, why does it always seem like he is declaiming an opera?
No one has ever felt so much enthusiasm for green beans.
Lilian’s beet cubes: despicable. We’ll soon be over it because the beet is the Zemmour of food, it deserves no speaking time.
Finally, Louise comes across endive, an ingredient she hates. So she decides to make a pie-like dessert with endive, and frankly it looks crazy (yes, I like Se-loui too).
Moreover, unsurprisingly, it was a well-deserved victory for Louise, who worked twice as hard as the other brigades. Despite her overuse of desire, she is a great competitor.
So it is the three other brigades that have to send a candidate as a last resort. On the program a confrontation between Wilfried, Mickaël and Arnaud, and the theme… It’s DUCK BREAST. I literally cried in front of my TV. FINALLY THE “TOP CHEF” WE WANT. THANK YOU.
Arnaud, always the candidate of my heart, is going to put LA PEAU DU MAGRET IN A PANINI GRILL. Well done Arnaud. There’s nothing sadder than a non-crispy duck breast skin. If: people who do not eat duck breast skin. When Arnaud broaches his divine preparation, the sound of grease crunching under the blade is a poem, an auricular odyssey, a fat rhapsody, an unparalleled auditory orgasm.
Finally, it’s Mickaël and Arnaud who are fished out, and Wilfried, who had the good idea of making us travel (stop) with duck breast balls (yum) gets knocked out. Arnaud starts to cry when he is the one who stays, you feel he is the kind of man who cries more than the family of the deceased at a funeral. As for Wilfried, he proves that he is a true champion and leaves with the best possible attitude:
Political leaders when they see the new IPCC report.
At least he was nice. Good wind Wilfried!
Dementors when they see your soul:
I wish someone would look at me the way Anne-Sophie Pic looks at the void:
When you pick up a second mojito when it’s only Wednesday:
Lilian tells us her tagline is: “Aim for the moon and you will reach the stars”† In fact, Lilian is a Skyblog.